


Turbulent Waters

by Jehanne_d_Arc



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 01:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8556934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jehanne_d_Arc/pseuds/Jehanne_d_Arc
Summary: After going for drinks, Barry wakes up in bed with Julian with no hangover, no excuses to offer, and no idea where to go from here. But the world changes overnight - could having Julian be just what Barry needs?NO LONGER ON HIATUS!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey humans! This is my first time posting something on here, so I'm a little nervous... Hope you like it! Since Barry cant get drunk I thought it would be cute for him to just get swept away with hormones and dim lighting.  
> Hope you enjoy and please please please let me know what you are thinking.

Oddly tender. Oddly vulnerable. Dim lights. Still tasting like beer. A false high from stress, and then relief. Crazy mixed emotions. But always, always, the blurred lights, the scent of slightly too warm skin - so much more intoxicating than alcohol. Jumbled mess of feelings and thoughts. Bad idea? Good idea? Bad idea... Smooth skin, warm skin - something smelling like amber and whiskey, something smelling like sweat. Julian losing his footing. Rushing to catch him. How... so close... Just a few inches away. Warm breath on cold lips. A little heady. A little hazy. Not drunk... no excuse...

Pathetic excuses. The door opening and closing. Dark apartment. Turning on the heater. Reassuring hand on Barry's shoulder. Fingers lingering too long on Julian's skin. Too quiet. Not enough distance... Fingers closing on hips. Uncertain breath against Julian's hair. Half turned head - an impossible expression to see. Barely breathing... barely breathing at all. Shallow breaths. Julian's fingers trembling. Almost an apology. Still too dim. Julian turning... Half certain panting. Teeth catching at lip, and hands hovering around each other's waists. Uncertain. Certain.

Clothes slipping over heads, shoulders, hips, stomachs, legs. Hair sliding between fingers. Half-formed sentences, never finished. Soft caresses. Fingers following lines - spine, jaw, collar, hip. Taste of sweat. Taste of skin. Almost like whiskey, almost like butter. Thin lights through the windows. Thin fingers that tremble and stumble on each other. Taste of skin... taste of skin... Soft glow of lights on skin. Very faint. Soft scratch of nails. Awkward, self-conscious- no. Warmth. Julian's warmth. Brush of stubble, tug of teeth. Muscles sliding under dizzy fingers. Taste of hair, and whiskey - still so... still so dizzy. Not drunk. Not drunk. Just taste of skin, and skin, and skin.

Rolling bodies. Tangled covers. Feet entangled. Lips entangled. Panting. Panting. Tongues tracing patterns on spine, and jaw, and collar, hip. How... so close... Hot breath on warm lips. Reassuring hand on Barry's shoulder. Pathetic excuses, never voiced. Rolling, rolling. Fingers lingering too long on Julian's skin. Jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings. Faster. More. A jumble. Mess. Taste of Julian. Taste of, taste of, taste of cum. Harder. Cumming. Fingers closing on Julian's hips. Blind, blind, blind, and deaf, and dumb. Panting. Stillness.

Bad idea? Good idea? So much more intoxicating than alcohol - blurred lights, the scent of slightly too warm skin. Crazy, mixed emotions. Stress, stress, and then relief. Still tasting like beer, and cum, and Julian. Dim lights. Oddly vulnerable. Oddly tender. Oddly vulnerable. Oddly tender. Oddly vulnerable. Oddly tender...


	2. Chapter 2

Barry woke to the sound of Julian's cell phone alarm buzzing, softly.

He lifted his head, his hand flying up to rub his eyes. A quiet groan escaped him before he realized where he was. Barry opened first one eye, and then the other.

Julian's disheveled hair tangled across and around his face. Fading bite marks lay across his neck and spine, and his hips had long, pale scratch marks from Barry's nails.

The cell phone buzzed again, and Barry's hands blurred with motion trying to shut it off.

There was a pained grunt from Julian, and Barry left the bed long enough to dress before he could be seen. When Julian's eyes opened, Barry was dressed and on the bed. Julian's head came up, and he surveyed the room, seeming surprised by the addition of Barry to it. "Allen?" His flat expression was not calming. "What the hell have- Oh god.." He closed his eyes and rolled back over.

"Um, uh... hi." Barry looked side to side and tried to not seem too much like a date-rapist. "I, um. You looked like you were having- say do you remember last night?"

"Yes Allen," Julian's voice was muffled and condescending. "Unlike you, I can hold my liquor. No, I can remember all the how... although," he pulled himself up a little, and peered into the light with effort, "the why of it escapes me."

"I think," said Barry, a little wretchedly, "that.. I mean I know we had been thinking maybe we could get to know each other, and-"

"And that meant biblically did it?" He put his head in his hand. "Uagh, this really is just perfect."

"Well, hey, this is... not... too, too too grea-heat- I'm not gonna say that."

"A wise choice. And our first in a while." Julian shook his head - a thing he clearly regretted that instant.

Barry bit his lip. "Ok, I get it. You're not happy. I'm not happy. We- we messed things up." He sighed. "I just-" He looked back at Julian realizing what he actually wanted to be saying. "I've made a lot of dumb mistakes. Ok?" He nodded as though that changed anything. "Especially lately. I've been fuck-up central. Ok? And I get that... But the thing is, I can't..." Julian was looking at him thoughtfully for the first time this morning, "...I can't just sit around regretting them. I mean, maybe... maybe we did make a mess of things. You know? And two dumb guys who work together, that is probably... the worst combination that could possibly be hooking up - especially you and me." Julian gave a scoffing chuckle, but smiled a little. "But I- I'm sorry I can't take any more regret. So I'm not saying we should buy each other chocolates. If you want we can pretend this didn't happen. But I'm not gonna regret the crazy stupid things we did, because I made these choices, and I'm sticking with them."

He stood. "I'm gonna go." He pulled on his coat, feeling a little awkward to see Julian pulling the sheets over himself uncomfortably. "I-" he looked away, and tried to continue. "I'm gonna go to work." He gave up and looked back at Julian. Long habit of much eye contact. "I'm gonna go, and I will cover for you to the best of my abilities - trust me: no one knows how to slack off quite like me. I have super abilities when it comes to procrastination and deceit." He gave him a patented Barry-Allen-is-like-pudding-everyone-likes-pudding grin, and (because he couldn't seem to help himself) threw in an impish wink.

"See you at work."

Julian managed a soft "I'll see you there," as Barry slipped out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was awkward but kind of cute. Let me know what you think! (Yes im gonna be that guy)


	3. Chapter 3

"You're late," Joe called after him in the entry hall. "Again." 

"Yeah," Barry half turned, shrugging only a little apologetically. "Really, are you still surprised?"

"Not really" Joe admitted. "Hey, have you seen Julian?" 

Barry put on an "oh yeah- I forgot that" look. "Yeah. I mean I haven't seen him, seen him... but I know where he is." Joe looked a little worried. "Yeah, he- he called. He said he's- traffic is just murder, he's still-"

"Barry."

Barry swallowed. "Yes sir?"

"Who taught you to lie?"

Barry shrugged. "Wel- I'm self-taught..."

"Find a better teacher."

Barry pulled a face.

"Where's Julian?"

Barry made his best 'I'd better tell it all' face. "The case from last night really messed him up. He's had to deal with me being MIA a lot of times. I'm covering for him, so he can sleep it off." He shook his head. "The guy does not look like he's slept in weeks."

Joe stared at him. "I know you two aren't friends."

"Frieeeend-lyyy...."

"You know that you sound crazy, don't you?"

"It's not," he shook his head, "new information, no." Barry gave Joe a sheepish grin. 

"Ok..." Joe shook his head and turned to continue on his way. "So long as you know..."

"Yeah." Barry chuckled as he made his way up the stairs. "Yeah, I know."

As he strode into the shared lab, Barry caught sight of the half-packed box of his things. The memory of Julian's face came rushing back to him. 'I was really wrong about The Flash...' Julian's words pierced through his thoughts. 'You can stop.... You can stay...' 

The half-remembered mood of the previous night seemed to mix strangely with the sunlit lab. In daylight, the whole mess of feelings and actions from yesterday seemed... like a ghost... But somehow, when he thought about it too long, he felt like he was still haunted by it. And that should bother him, even a little bit. 

'Change can be a good thing,' his own words whispered into his mind. 'Just trust that everything is going to be okay.' 

Barry nodded. Trust. Trust that it would be okay. No apologies, and no regrets. 

His cellphone buzzed, and he pulled it out, half expecting a derogatory message from Albert as much as a call-to-arms from Cisco or Caitlin. 

"Hey you! Just checking in. Didn't hear from you last night.." - Iris

Barry stared at the phone for a moment. Iris. Iris. Iris. 

"Fuck."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello?"

"Heeeyyy...." Barry could hear the cheesy, dishonest tone in his own voice. "Iris... You, uh... you texted me."

He stood at his desk, carefully removing picture frames from the cardboard box he had been packing last night. One by one he distractedly placed them on his desk.

"Oh, you sound cornier than I have heard you be in a couple years..." Iris' voice didn't sound completely angry - actually he thought he heard amusement and perhaps pity. "Are you lying to me?"

"Uhhh...." Barry looked at a picture of the two of them when they were younger before setting it on his desk. "Not yet.."

"Uh-huh." He could hear Iris on the other end of the line shifting the phone to her other ear. "And how is that going?"

"Not too well so far, to be honest." He set the empty box on the floor, and strode over to an abandoned sample from the day before.

"I like honest."

Barry bit his lip. "Yeah, uh.." He swallowed. "I- I may have done something." His gaze fell on Julian's tie that had been cast aside last night. It lay forgotten on the cluttered desk. "Something stupid? And it- I'm not really-"

"Is this more stupid," Iris' voice cut in, calmly, "than traveling through time and re-writing the histories of the people who you love the most?" 

"NO!" Barry tripped on the box, nearly knocking the vial of liquid out of his hand. "I mean, it's not... It's not That bad. When I said I did something stupid, I didn't mean stupid in a galactic capacity." He shuffled the box away with his feet. "I just... meant that... I had made a dumb mistake on, like, a personal level."

"Which," Iris said, "you will explain to me in full." 

"In full might take some context."

"Or it might take thirty seconds. Barry, you are starting to worry me."

"No!" Barry rushed to reassure before realizing that to Iris' mind some worry would be justified. "Yes. Well..." He took a deep breath. "Look, I can't- I can't explain this right now. I love you - you know that - I have always loved you, Iris. I'm just trying to- I don't know... work some stuff out? I can try to explain later, like, in person? but I just... I really need a couple hours to just... get my head together and to figure out how I feel about all this stuff. So."

"Barry, baby, are you gay?"

"WH- WH- WHAT?!" A hysterical laugh escaped him in a set of sounds he wasn't prepared for. "Why- WHYY... would you ask me that question, Iris what the-wh- wha-hy???"

"Ok, my bad... I thought that might be what you had been saying."

"Well, I wasn't-" he thought about it. "Though I am surprised at quite how calm you're sounding."

"Give me time. I'll get furious later."

"There's Iris."

"Is she pretty?"

Barry tripped and landed half across his desk chair. "I'm sorry?"

"I had noticed. Is she pretty?"

"Who?"

Iris tone sounded a little impatient, and almost amused. "Whoever you cheated on me with. You just told me that it wasn't with a guy, so while you're this transparent I am asking you if you thought she was pretty."

"NO, Iris that's not-"

"It's a simple question." Iris tone was baiting, and challenging and darkly amused all at once.

"But I didn't-"

"Just answer the question, Barry." 

"B- Uhh..." Barry stared for a moment at the empty lab, his eyes lingering on Julian's abandoned tie. For a moment in the sunlit room he could see Julian's glittering eyes, and hear his voice breaking. The room looked so different now, but for a moment he could hear that same vulnerability, see that same confused pain. 

"Barry?"

"...Yeah," he said after a while. "Yeah, I guess she kind of was."

There was a brief silence on the other end, then, "You're in a lot of trouble."

"I know you're angry-" Barry tried, but Iris interrupted him.

"I'm not talking about with me." She sounded a different sort of worried than he had expected. "Take care of your heart?" Barry felt a slight chill in his stomach. "It's been mine for a while," she continued. "I don't want someone else to come along and break it." He felt his eyes go wide. "Be careful."

"Wait, Iris-" The phone beeped, and Iris was gone.

Barry looked around the quiet lab. Why would she say that? If she had just gotten mad (and when that hit it would be hell), then he wouldn't be feeling quite so worried. But to warn him, and be worried for him... Why would she-

He caught himself hoping that Julian would arrive soon. That he would distract him with annoying comments, condescension, irritated huffs of breath to express his displeasure. He just wanted to have that grating presence that he hadn't noticed he had come to find normal - sort of comfortably uncomfortable - and to grin at the work Julian put into ignoring him. That was fine, right? That wasn't a proble-

His eyes fell on the tie, the empty box, the wall Julian had been leaning on, the half-finished work left on the desk. He could suddenly remember Julian's voice 'I know what that feels like' 'I guess that's the monster I'm running from now... just feeling... powerless.' 

'sometimes I feel the same way, Julian...' His own voice entered his memory. It was strange to hear himself sound so unguarded, so unhappy. Oddly vulnerable... Oddly tender...

'Yeah... yeah I guess she kind of was...'

Barry stood up, fast enough that a slight crackle went through the air. "Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this so far. I am going to be diverging from the canon (obvs.) and throwing a couple weird things at this. I figured that by now, Iris has learned exactly what 'Barry lying' sounds like. Seemed only fitting that she would be able to see right through him. She's kind of intuitive, I think - she just suppresses it.  
> Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

As it turned out, avoiding Julian was not easy. Not avoiding Julian was even harder. 

When Julian had come in, no more than an hour after Barry, there had been some attempts (on Barry's part) at respectful silence. Then at the end of the day, there had been some attempts (on Barry's part) at polite conversation. The offers of assistance and coffee were both met with Julian's single-minded, irritable professionalism. Barry's stamina was strong, but no one out-lasted Julian's professionalism. 

So: day one.

Day two dawned bright and early, and Barry had almost forgotten about his current catastrophes - until he saw the text on his cellphone. 

'Ever figure things out with that girl? - Iris'

That set the tone for day two.

Come day three, Barry was ready to hurl himself or Julian out of the window and have done with. 

Come day four, he felt ready to grab random passersby, and hurl them out of the window.

On day five he had accepted his fate. He would never be efficient again. He would never solve the mysteries in this freaking timeline. And he would never hold a two-way conversation with Julian Albert ever, ever again.

This might well have proved to be true, were it not for Barry Allen’s galactically accepted inability to function while distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, children! I'm alive. I am still working on this, but I have gotten back to it. Here is the little chapterlette. I should have the next (longer) chapter posted (hopefully) by the end of the day.   
> This is fun for me, and I had forgotten how much I enjoy working on it.
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me, hope anyone's still reading. ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comment section!!! (please)


	6. Chapter 6

Barry was not expecting a response - not really - when strode into the lab. 

"Hey, Julian,” Barry’s eyes were downcast, his attention on the paperwork he held, "I know I say this a lot, but can I get a favo- the jacket," he narrated on autopilot. "We're dragging me- We’re dragging me by the jacket. Where are we dragging- Julian, what are you doing-"

He found himself being forced to the corner of the small room that was the hardest to see, and made to sit on the mini-filing cabinet there. Julian's grip on his coat was light, gentle, and iron. The man's hands seemed more apt for piano than violence, and his fingers looked almost relaxed, but as Barry was dumped unceremoniously into a sitting position he noted that his jacket was held captive by a grip of steel, and one that seemed unlikely to release him any time soon.

"... What do you have against my jacket," Barry realized he was still saying, "and Julian, what the why?"

"Hello, Allen." Julian's dangerous expression was inches from Barry's own confused, and increasingly perturbed expression. "How are you feeling?"

"Fiiiiiiiiiinnneee..??" Barry queried, dubiously.

Julian's head tilted. "No mistakes you want to get out of the way, no awkward mishaps?"

Barry shook his head. "Not really. Thank you. Not right now..."

Julian raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? Must be nice. I'm quite relieved to know that there's no plans in your near future to - I dunno - awkwardly walk our lives work into doorframe and smash it to the ground."

Oh.

"Are you," Barry shrugged in what he hoped was a loveable way, "like, referring to the specimens we were supposed to run tests on-"

"I'm talking about three weeks, Allen!" Julian let him go quite forcefully, using the leverage to send his body away from Barry's, and turn to pace away and back again. Barry scraped his teeth across his lower lip and looked down, uncomfortably.

"It's been nearly three weeks," Julian continued, "since our..." he threw out his hand in place of any more colorful terms. “ Half of one, you spent making an ass out of the both of us. And now….” He threw out one long arm, as though gesturing to something distasteful. "I think I've heard maybe three words out of you that weren't asking for help I shouldn't be giving you, or making excuses not to be in the same room together. Not," he laughed, "that I'm not grateful for the peace and quiet (two words I have never associated with you), but for the love of God, Barry!" He seemed to check himself, and turned a chair around, sitting down to face Barry. "Allen," Julian corrected himself. He shook his head. "Look you and I both know what happened was a-" his eyes looked slightly lost, and words did not seem to come easily, "- a huge mistake, but..." He trailed off and tugged at his lower lip with his teeth, seemingly unaware of the movement.

Barry was aware.

Barry had been aware for three weeks.

Iris had, as it turned out, been right: Barry was in trouble. 

It had taken five days for Barry to give up on being… anything… with Julian. He should have known that once he had, he would suddenly be aware of how empty that idea felt.

Until that night, he had chalked Julian down as just… the person in a million who does not like pudding. Does not like; can not like; cannot be made to like. He had worked on the assumption that while Julian might have redeeming qualities, and Barry might have redeeming qualities, their redeeming qualities would probably never meet; and even if they met, they wouldn’t get along.

That night had proved him wrong. He had learned, in one evening of stupidly raw emotion, and regrettable amounts of whiskey, that he and Julian could get along - too well, in fact. Barry now knew that Julian had an adorable giggle when he was tipsy, and that he unconsciously hummed along with the radio, even when Barry could barely hear the music over all the noise around them. Barry knew that Julian got a far off look when he saw families being together, and that when he thought that Barry wasn’t looking, he could tip down half a glass of scotch without batting an eye. After that night, Barry would never forget that Julian was one of those people who slowly gets a little pinker when they drink, only to have their face drain paler when they choose to do something stupid afterwards.

Something stupid…

'I've made a lot of dumb mistakes…’ Barry’s words from that first morning came floating back to him. 'But the thing is… I can't just sit around regretting them… Maybe we did make a mess of things… But, I'm sorry - I can't take any more regret.' 

Maybe this was just some regrettable misstep to Julian. Maybe to Julian, this had been a mistake. Mistakes were rampant, now, in Barry’s life. 

But to Barry this had been a thing he needed, badly. The chance to see something good about the world he had made. The chance to just have a night off with someone who, for whatever ungodly reason, he trusted. The night that he had spent with Julian had lifted a weight from his shoulders. One he hadn’t realized he was carrying.

All this time, he thought that he had broken the world too badly - that he would never be able to put it all back the way it was. And that was true.

But what he’d never realized was that… he didn’t have to. Maybe Barry couldn’t fix the world. Certainly he couldn’t set it back the way it was. But… maybe the world didn’t need fixing. As hard as it was for a superhero to accept… maybe the world was fine in its new form. Yes, Barry had altered the timeline - but only in brief. After that - people had made their own decisions. The people whose lives Barry had unintentionally altered - they still had free will. Though Barry might have unintentionally forced their hand, they had made their own choices going forward. And there was good in that as well as bad. Without this timeline, his life was a bit less painful. But in this world he had met Julian, who… turned out to be a pretty great guy. And that was worth a little pain, even if it was ending painfully.

That night, nearly a month ago, Barry had allowed himself to see his life for what it was. More specifically: for what it was now. 

He had lost so much, made sense of so little, and now new threats which he was learning he would never be prepared for were looming on the distant horizon. At the time, he had felt that this whole thing with Julian was one of the bright sides in all this. He had seen something of himself in Julian that night. The realization of being what you were trying to run from… He understood that. The kid that Julian had nearly shot, the superhero who stopped him from making the mistake, Julian himself… in that quiet, private moment, they had all been the same. Just broken people, who make mistakes, try to run from them, and fail miserably. People who found a way to keep going afterwards. 

But moments are fleeting. Barry could respect that. 

Julian wanted to move on - and Barry could respect that, too. 

After five days, Barry had allowed himself to realize that this was not going to go away... and that it was not going to be acknowledged. Perhaps more importantly, after the first nearly full week of trying to figure out how to talk to Julian about this, he realized that… talking wasn’t going to be a thing between the two of them. Whatever potential friendship had poked its head through the snow, hadn’t survived after all. And that was… probably more... right. Until recently he hadn’t had to know Julian. And now that the dark, amber intimacy of that evening had passed, their regular routine seemed both impossible, and unavoidable. The night that they had spent together, anything had seemed possible. Starting off on a new foot? Sure. Trusting someone who you’ve known for a matter of weeks? Deal. They had both chosen to reach out, and in the dark, they’d found someone like them. 

Barry looked around the lab.

Bright sunlight filtered through the blinds, and glinted off of vials and Petri dishes. Every machine was up and buzzing, and all of Barry’s things were spread haphazardly across the desk, as per usual. Even with no visible source, the smell of coffee permeated the room. Outside the busy sounds of city life hummed by. The world was back to its usual speed, lights flickering, and reality whizzing by at high velocity.

There wasn’t much left of that amber night, now. 

Why couldn’t Barry just move on?

'If you want we can pretend this didn't happen…’ He remembered the look on Julian's face as he’d fought to over himself with the sheet. He remembered needing to say this one thing before he went back to work. Before they went back to life. 'But I'm not gonna regret the crazy stupid things we did... because I made these choices - and I'm sticking with them.'

“Allen?”

Barry looked up to find Julian staring at him, inquisitively. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

A ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ expression swept over Julian’s features. “This!” Julian swept a hand towards Barry. “This is what I’m talking about, Allen! You get distracted in the middle of-“

“It’s Barry.”

Julian stopped. Blinked, thickly. Shook his head a bit. “I’m sorry, what?”

“My name, Julian.” Barry refused to break eye contact. “We’ve worked together for a year.” He tried to make his voice firm instead of soft. “My name is Barry.”

There was a moment of hesitation on Julian’s face. Then, “We’ve worked together for over a year, Allen. Why you would think things have changed now is beyond me.”

Barry opened his mouth to respond - hopefully with something heroic, but possibly just the first thing that came into his head. But Julian got there first.

“And don’t think,” he straightened Barry’s tie, irritably, “that I haven’t noticed you making ridiculous excuses for running off all the time.” He shook his head. “Try coming up with something new.”

“Making excuses to-“ 

Oh.

Like when he had to suddenly disap-

Oh this was just magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer. 
> 
> If this fic seems a little strange, it's because I literally started writing the fic before I started writing the show. As I wrote I decided to go back and watch the series so that I could accurately write the fic, and it just sort of grew from there. Now you know why this is a) taking so long, and b) being so weird.


	7. Chapter 7

“Sooo….. Julian? Really?”

Iris was sipping her chai coffee with an expectant, devious smile. Barry had to admit that he had no idea how he had gotten here.

“I know...”

"I mean,” Iris bit her lip a little, her eyes bright, “I’m not saying that’s crazy, but…”

“I know.”

“But it’s crazy!” He couldn’t tell if she was forcing herself to gush on his account, or if this was a passive-aggressive punishment for him calling things off days after telling her that his feelings for her hadn’t changed. Either way she was being a hero so far, so he would suffer in good grace. "Let’s just say,” Iris murmured, thoughtfully, “that of every person in the whole wide world I could have pictured you with? Julian would make the anti-list.”

“I know!” 

Iris bit back a grin, and Barry glanced around realizing that his responses had been increasing in volume. “I know,” he repeated more quietly. “I don’t even know what’s going on right now. I mean: he was willing to let this whole thing go. More importantly: he was single-mindedly ignoring me. Do you know how much I would have paid for that even a month ago?”

Iris shrugged. “I mean,” there was something in her expression that he couldn’t read as she said, “I don’t think I’d mind being ignored by Julian. He’s kind of… slimy? Definitely a little sleazy… probably not as hygienic as he’d have you think-“

“Wha- that’s not true at all-“ Barry tried to interrupt.

“And definitely not attractive,” she said with finality.

“That’s bullshit!” Barry nearly sent his coffee flying, agitated in spite of himself. “Julian’s incredible! Yes, he’s annoying as hell on a chalkboard, but he’s smart, he’s driven, he’s got mad science skills, and that’s after turning down the kind of life that most people would kill for! He’s worked so hard to get where he is! He’s…” he was briefly at a loss for words, “…mind-numbingly attractive,” if Iris chaffed, she didn’t show it, “and when he’s being real, and open, he is the most perfect…” He caught sight of the predatory glint in Iris’ eye, and stopped mid-flail. “You just did all that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Little bit.” She crinkled her nose, sweetly, sipping her drink.

“But, see, that’s just the thing,” Barry held out his hands, presenting his next case for her approval. “I’m not gay.”

She gave him a smug look that was dirtier than her chai latte. “So you didn’t give your male co-worker a blowjob?”

For a moment, Barry’s mouth just hung open, uselessly. “O- Okay, yeah, I did… Is that how we’re gonna play this? Okay. Yes. Yes. That is a thing I did.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Lots of people experiment.”

“This wasn’t experimenting,” groaned Barry, heaving a helpless sigh. “This was Julian."

“Wow…” Iris raised her eyebrows, looking a little impressed. “You are a goner.”

“I know…” Barry put his head in his hands, rumpling his hair between his fingers. “Ugh… Oh my g-“ He fisted his hands at the nape of his neck. “It’s getting so bad.”

Iris laughter was poorly suppressed. 

“You don't get it! He still hates me!” Barry looked up, knocked over his coffee cup, and caught it in the heartbeat that ti left the table.

“Well,” Iris shrugged, and gently tried, “maybe he doesn’t.” Barry looked up, darkly, but she continued. “Okay, hear me out. He opened up to you, you had a nice evening talking, drinking, playing pool, sky-diving, whatever the hell you did-“

“Mostly drinking, making conversation,” he supplied.

“Flying the rainbow flag,” Iris nodded. “And then you went back to his place, had a very, very dirty time-“

“Oh my g-“

“And the next morning, everything was awkward, and you rushed off back to work.” She looked at him. “What could be more Julian than to reject something if he doesn’t know what to make of it?”

“But that’s just it.” Barry messed his hair, which was starting to take on an electrocuted quality. “He is adaptive. He fights harder to understand things than anyone I know.”

“Then maybe you’re not the only thing he’s trying to adapt to. We’ve all got a lot on plates right now: you know that better than anybody.” She lifted her drink, half saluting with it. “And, maybe he’s off with his best friend since pre-school, whining about how not-gay he is.”

Barry may have looked a little unimpressed.

“I’m just saying, that it’s gotta be a bit of a surprise.”

Barry shrugged, a little helplessly. “Trust me, I get that.” He shook his head. “I- I’ve never felt this way before. Not about a-“

“Guy?” 

He nodded. “I- I’ve never even thought about it.”

Iris peered at him thoughtfully. “Well, you said that when you changed the timeline, some things changed…” she raised her eyebrows, spreading out her hands. “Maybe that was a little truer than you knew.”

Barry gave her a look. “I think you’re technically born with your sexuality? Like, I seem to remember that being a thing.”

“Maybe,” Iris admitted. “But I also know that being gay, and being bi are not - capital ’n’ Not - the same thing.” She bit her lip. “I mean, couldn’t you just not have known? Maybe changing the timeline-“

Her words blurred, slightly, as Barry was pulled back in his memory: a conversation between himself and the man he had truly thought was Harrison Wells. Barry had altered time for the first time in his life. The result was losing what he thought at the time he wanted more than anything: his chance with Iris. Some small alterations to time and space and her feelings for him had seemed to disappear. It had taken her a year to come to that conclusion again, and Barry had been so heartbroken he could barely think. It had been a warning sign not to alter time - one he hadn’t listened to, at all - but it was more than that. That day, three years ago, he had recognized how fragile perception could be. It had taken almost nothing on his part - just being himself, being with Linda, trying to save Joe - for Iris to realize that she loved him. It had taken a few (perhaps misguided) choices to erase that realization from reality. 

That said, he was almost immediately struck by the dissimilarity. Iris had not changed how she felt for him - so she later said. The only thing that had changed was her perception - the realization of the truth. The timeline couldn’t have changed his orientation, he reasoned, only whether or not he was aware of it. This whole thing with Julian hadn’t happened at some vague, unexperienced point in time. It had happened three weeks ago. It had happened not all that long ago, and Barry had been there, and it had nothing to do with flash point. It hadn’t altered his perception… But Iris was still harping on things that might have changed-

He looked up at her, his eyes widening.

Iris trailed off halfway through whatever she had been saying. “…You okay, Bar’?” Her face fought to give nothing away. Her face did not succeed.

“Am I…” Barry ventured, timidly, “like… out… in this timeline…?”

Iris bit her lip.

“I’m openly bi, here, aren’t I?”

“Yes. Hell yes. Since eight grade, sweetheart.”

“Everybody knows?”

“Except for this you? Yes.”

"I’ve flirted with a lot of guys?”

“More than I have.”

“Is that possible?”

“You hit on Eddie before I even spoke to him."

Barry put his head back in his hands. 

Iris was grinning. “And, I mean, even if you doubt the bi, see evidence: you are pining for Julian-”

“I KNOW."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About time Iris got involved. Poor Barry he does not know how to process.
> 
> Hope everybody is enjoying this whole mess! Please, please, please, please-please let me know what you think - I thrive on critique, etc. So, let me know what you think!


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